1
00:00:00,959 --> 00:00:03,131
Deck the halls...

2
00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:06,111
Ah, Christmas shopping eh?
Unavoidable. Right.

3
00:00:06,113 --> 00:00:10,113
If we don't shop the sun won't
return, right?

4
00:00:10,115 --> 00:00:13,649
You know, I'm so glad you're coming
round for Christmas.

5
00:00:13,650 --> 00:00:16,114
It's the only thing that
keeps me going.

6
00:00:16,115 --> 00:00:19,114
Though I've got to warn you,
Roger will be there

7
00:00:19,115 --> 00:00:23,114
and also Edith's awful sister -
the dreaded Joan.

8
00:00:23,115 --> 00:00:25,916
Have you met her?
Joan? I've heard about her.

9
00:00:25,917 --> 00:00:29,114
Yeah, so you must feel free to
leave as early as you like.

10
00:00:29,115 --> 00:00:31,114
Thank you.
I'll bear that in mind.

11
00:00:31,115 --> 00:00:34,114
Oh, incidentally,
any news on the sale of the house?

12
00:00:34,115 --> 00:00:36,114
Humbug! Bah!

13
00:00:36,115 --> 00:00:38,114
Ho! Ho! Ho!

14
00:00:38,115 --> 00:00:41,114
 Have I the right to hold you?

15
00:00:41,115 --> 00:00:44,114
 You know I've always told you

16
00:00:44,115 --> 00:00:47,383
 I've loved you from the very start

17
00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:54,114
 Come right back,
I just can't bear it

18
00:00:54,115 --> 00:00:57,649
I've got this love and I long to
share it

19
00:00:57,650 --> 00:01:01,782
 Come right back,
right back where you belong

20
00:01:01,783 --> 00:01:03,649
 Oh, yeah

21
00:01:03,650 --> 00:01:05,115
 You belong.

22
00:01:07,115 --> 00:01:09,114
CHURCH BELLS

23
00:01:09,115 --> 00:01:11,114
These things take time, Phil.

24
00:01:11,115 --> 00:01:13,114
This isn't at all unusual.

25
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:15,887
Well, it's been on the market
three months now.

26
00:01:15,889 --> 00:01:17,889
Well, mid-winter isn't the best
time to sell a house.

27
00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:20,826
Well, it wasn't such a bad time
three months ago.

28
00:01:20,827 --> 00:01:23,761
I mean, I have to find a new estate
agent, you know.

29
00:01:23,762 --> 00:01:26,696
Wickford and I,
we just don't hit it off.

30
00:01:26,697 --> 00:01:28,296
Well, maybe it's a generation thing?

31
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,762
Oh, could be, yes.

32
00:01:29,763 --> 00:01:34,761
Could be I'm old,
knowledgeable and wise and he isn't.

33
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:37,761
People get interested in houses
in the spring.

34
00:01:37,762 --> 00:01:41,762
Like beavers, or termites,
or dung beetles, eh?

35
00:01:41,763 --> 00:01:44,696
Speaking of which, where is Roger?

36
00:01:44,697 --> 00:01:45,761
Gone to get a Christmas tree.

37
00:01:45,762 --> 00:01:48,162
The children aren't coming,
are they?

38
00:01:48,163 --> 00:01:51,761
Apparently, the best thing about
having a gap year is you can skip family Christmas.

39
00:01:51,762 --> 00:01:54,761
Ah, so the tree is,
basically, for Roger.

40
00:01:54,762 --> 00:01:56,761
Er, yes. Yes.
How old is he?

41
00:01:56,762 --> 00:02:00,761
He says this'll be the last
Christmas we'll all spend together in this house.

42
00:02:00,762 --> 00:02:02,762
Well, let's hope so.

43
00:02:02,763 --> 00:02:05,761
Your sister's still coming,
I suppose?

44
00:02:05,762 --> 00:02:08,761
She wants to watch the Queen's
speech on our big screen.

45
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:09,762
Ha!

46
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,761
DOORBELL RINGS

47
00:02:11,762 --> 00:02:13,761
What fresh hell is this?

48
00:02:13,762 --> 00:02:14,762
I'll go.

49
00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:18,762
Roger!

50
00:02:18,763 --> 00:02:20,761
Good, isn't it?!
It's far too big!

51
00:02:20,762 --> 00:02:22,762
Half price!
Oh, it's too big!

52
00:02:23,762 --> 00:02:26,761
20 quid!
You'll have to cut it down!

53
00:02:26,762 --> 00:02:28,761
I'm not going to cut it,
it'll ruin the shape.

54
00:02:28,762 --> 00:02:30,761
It won't get...
It won't come through the door!

55
00:02:30,762 --> 00:02:32,761
Will it go through the window?

56
00:02:32,762 --> 00:02:35,761
It can't go in the sitting room.
It can, we've measured it.

57
00:02:35,762 --> 00:02:37,761
Oh, well, you got it wrong.
You've made a mistake.

58
00:02:37,762 --> 00:02:40,761
No, it's not a mistake.
Bob double-checked.

59
00:02:40,762 --> 00:02:43,162
Bob?! Aye, I did.

60
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,761
It'll fit fine!

61
00:02:44,762 --> 00:02:49,297
It might not be totally upright,
but, hey, you can't have everything, eh?

62
00:03:00,762 --> 00:03:02,163
Ah, Queenie! Come on in.

63
00:03:05,762 --> 00:03:09,761
So, why don't you start in here
and then just, er, look around

64
00:03:09,762 --> 00:03:10,762
and see what else needs doing?

65
00:03:10,763 --> 00:03:13,761
I think I'll open the window first.
It smells a bit musty.

66
00:03:13,762 --> 00:03:15,761
No, no. Don't open the windows.

67
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:18,761
Why not?
Well, er, something might fly in.

68
00:03:18,762 --> 00:03:22,761
Like what?!
Er, a pigeon, heron, flamingo.

69
00:03:22,762 --> 00:03:24,762
Emu. Giraffe.

70
00:03:24,763 --> 00:03:27,895
What? Well, just take your pick,
but the point is if we lock up

71
00:03:27,896 --> 00:03:33,761
and leave and it's left stuck here,
it's going to make a mess, isn't it?

72
00:03:33,762 --> 00:03:38,429
Anyway, nasty lanky beasts,
those giraffes.

73
00:03:38,430 --> 00:03:41,429
I think there's one in here already.

74
00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:43,763
So, I'll be upstairs doing
the inventory if you need me.

75
00:03:44,263 --> 00:03:51,924
For subtitling services, contatct:
waqas.zahoor89@gmail.com

76
00:03:59,762 --> 00:04:01,162
Phil.

77
00:04:01,163 --> 00:04:02,762
Yes, dear?

78
00:04:06,992 --> 00:04:07,993
Celia?

79
00:04:11,992 --> 00:04:12,992
Celia?

80
00:04:12,993 --> 00:04:14,992
Look in this direction...

81
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,992
I can only...

82
00:04:22,992 --> 00:04:26,992
..see you reflected in that mirror.

83
00:04:27,992 --> 00:04:31,991
Slightly out of focus
and in black and white.

84
00:04:31,992 --> 00:04:32,992
That's the convention.

85
00:04:32,993 --> 00:04:36,392
Well, does it have to be like that?
I mean, it's a bit of a cliche.

86
00:04:36,393 --> 00:04:38,991
I don't make the rules, darling.
No, of course you don't.

87
00:04:38,992 --> 00:04:40,992
Erm, so, er...

88
00:04:42,527 --> 00:04:45,991
..what do you want? Are you upset
about my selling the house?

89
00:04:45,992 --> 00:04:49,125
On the contrary,
I'm delighted that you're moving on.

90
00:04:49,126 --> 00:04:50,991
Ah! Good.

91
00:04:50,992 --> 00:04:53,392
It's about time. Great.

92
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:55,393
HUMMING

93
00:04:57,660 --> 00:05:00,991
So, what do you miss most?

94
00:05:00,992 --> 00:05:02,259
Apart from me, I mean?

95
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,991
Apart from you?

96
00:05:03,992 --> 00:05:05,392
Cigarettes.

97
00:05:05,393 --> 00:05:06,992
Cigarettes!

98
00:05:07,993 --> 00:05:10,991
You mean it's a no-smoking zone
where you are?

99
00:05:10,992 --> 00:05:11,992
It is.

100
00:05:11,993 --> 00:05:13,393
What a bummer!

101
00:05:15,992 --> 00:05:21,125
Celia, it's not your intention
to come with us, is it?

102
00:05:21,126 --> 00:05:23,991
Of course not! Why would I do that?

103
00:05:23,992 --> 00:05:25,992
Well, I don't know.
You tell me.

104
00:05:26,992 --> 00:05:28,991
I've got other fish to fry.

105
00:05:28,992 --> 00:05:29,992
Really?

106
00:05:30,993 --> 00:05:33,992
Like who?
Mind your own business.

107
00:05:35,992 --> 00:05:38,992
You're pulling my leg, aren't you?
You could never resist that.

108
00:05:41,927 --> 00:05:46,991
Well, I must say, Celia,
I can't see you very well,

109
00:05:46,992 --> 00:05:51,992
but you seem in very good shape,
all things considered.

110
00:05:53,992 --> 00:05:56,991
You're not going to hang around
after I've left, are you?

111
00:05:56,992 --> 00:06:00,991
No! I just want to make sure
you get out.

112
00:06:00,992 --> 00:06:02,392
Is... is that in doubt?

113
00:06:02,393 --> 00:06:05,991
We both know you're not nearly as
competent as people think you are.

114
00:06:05,992 --> 00:06:07,125
Well, I won't argue with you.

115
00:06:07,126 --> 00:06:09,991
That's a change for the better.
Mm.

116
00:06:09,992 --> 00:06:14,991
Celia, about these clothes of yours.

117
00:06:14,992 --> 00:06:16,991
What should I do with them?

118
00:06:16,992 --> 00:06:17,992
Give them away.

119
00:06:19,660 --> 00:06:21,527
I can't believe
you've still got them.

120
00:06:22,992 --> 00:06:24,393
Just get rid of them.

121
00:06:26,794 --> 00:06:27,992
It was hard.

122
00:06:29,992 --> 00:06:30,992
Yes.

123
00:06:32,393 --> 00:06:33,991
I know.

124
00:06:33,992 --> 00:06:35,992
One more thing, darling...

125
00:06:37,992 --> 00:06:39,526
..happy Christmas.

126
00:06:39,527 --> 00:06:42,660
Oh, thank you, darling.

127
00:06:43,992 --> 00:06:45,393
Same to you.

128
00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:55,793
I see you've managed to bag the
quietest spot in town.

129
00:06:55,794 --> 00:06:57,392
Edith!

130
00:06:57,393 --> 00:06:59,125
Hello, Bertie!

131
00:06:59,126 --> 00:07:01,992
So, this is you doing
your Christmas shopping, is it?

132
00:07:01,993 --> 00:07:04,992
Look at this lot.
Oh. Terrifying!

133
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:06,992
I know.

134
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:10,991
Every year it's going to be
different and every year it comes to this -

135
00:07:10,992 --> 00:07:14,991
me running around at the last minute
and getting grumpier by the day.

136
00:07:14,992 --> 00:07:17,259
Fortunately, I come from
a very small tribe.

137
00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:18,991
Lucky you!

138
00:07:18,992 --> 00:07:20,992
Yeah, well, quite lucky.

139
00:07:21,992 --> 00:07:24,991
I hope we're still going to
see you on Tuesday.

140
00:07:24,992 --> 00:07:25,992
Yes, I was going to give you a call.

141
00:07:25,993 --> 00:07:27,991
Now, what can I bring round to
contribute to the meal?

142
00:07:27,992 --> 00:07:30,793
Nothing.
Everything's in hand.

143
00:07:30,794 --> 00:07:32,392
Ah, well, then I'll have to
ask Sandra.

144
00:07:32,393 --> 00:07:35,991
Ooh! She'll give you a whole list.

145
00:07:35,992 --> 00:07:37,392
Ah, now come on, Edith.

146
00:07:37,393 --> 00:07:39,991
Think how much happier it'll make me
to bring something around

147
00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:42,259
that you'll really be
pleased to see.

148
00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:44,991
Rather than the fifth bottle of
limonchello!

149
00:07:44,992 --> 00:07:46,992
Ah!

150
00:07:47,992 --> 00:07:48,992
Merry Christmas!

151
00:07:48,993 --> 00:07:50,992
Oh, God!

152
00:07:54,992 --> 00:07:57,991
Oh! Urgh!

153
00:07:57,992 --> 00:07:59,260
Oh!

154
00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:01,991
This isn't going to work.

155
00:08:01,992 --> 00:08:05,991
Why are you so defeatist, eh?
It's your tactics.

156
00:08:05,992 --> 00:08:07,991
I never accept defeat.

157
00:08:07,992 --> 00:08:09,991
Did they teach you that in the SAS?

158
00:08:09,992 --> 00:08:11,526
As a matter of fact they did.

159
00:08:11,527 --> 00:08:13,393
Adaptability.
Thinking on your feet.

160
00:08:16,794 --> 00:08:17,991
I can't think of anything.

161
00:08:17,992 --> 00:08:21,991
Well, there's a simple expedient
here that'll transform the whole operation.

162
00:08:21,992 --> 00:08:24,991
Yeah? And what's that?
Turn it the other way round.

163
00:08:24,992 --> 00:08:26,991
Turn it the other way round?

164
00:08:26,992 --> 00:08:28,991
Yeah, so the branches don't get
stuck in the door.

165
00:08:28,992 --> 00:08:30,991
That's what I said in the
first place!

166
00:08:30,992 --> 00:08:31,992
No, you never!

167
00:08:33,527 --> 00:08:36,392
These coffee mornings, Sandra,
I hope you know how much they mean to me.

168
00:08:36,393 --> 00:08:38,991
Wendy. <span tts: color="white You're so kind.
I'm not kind!

169
00:08:38,992 --> 00:08:40,991
I enjoy them too.

170
00:08:40,992 --> 00:08:43,793
Wendy, stop being so pathetic.

171
00:08:43,794 --> 00:08:46,793
But I am pathetic!
You don't have to be.

172
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:47,991
It's just about habit.

173
00:08:47,992 --> 00:08:49,526
Do you really think so?

174
00:08:49,527 --> 00:08:52,991
Mm! You were married to Roger
for 20 years.

175
00:08:52,992 --> 00:08:54,991
You brought up two children.

176
00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:57,526
That's not being pathetic,
it's heroic.

177
00:08:57,527 --> 00:08:59,259
But I failed! We're divorced.

178
00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:01,991
Yes.
That is not a failure.

179
00:09:01,992 --> 00:09:03,526
That is a triumph.

180
00:09:03,527 --> 00:09:05,992
You came to your senses.
Except he walked out on me.

181
00:09:07,992 --> 00:09:09,926
Do you really think people
can change?

182
00:09:09,927 --> 00:09:12,991
Not Roger, not a chance.
No, I meant me.

183
00:09:12,992 --> 00:09:13,993
Be less pathetic.

184
00:09:14,993 --> 00:09:17,793
Of course you can!
Well, who would I be?!

185
00:09:17,794 --> 00:09:20,991
You'd be you, only less relentlessly
nice all the time.

186
00:09:20,992 --> 00:09:23,392
Less nice all the time, bloody hell!

187
00:09:23,393 --> 00:09:25,991
Well done! Swearing!

188
00:09:25,992 --> 00:09:29,991
Bit pathetic, but it is a start.

189
00:09:29,992 --> 00:09:30,992
Oh!

190
00:09:30,993 --> 00:09:33,991
Ugh, what does she want?
Nothing good.

191
00:09:33,992 --> 00:09:35,992
Oh! That wasn't a very nice
thing to say, was it?

192
00:09:39,393 --> 00:09:40,992
Queenie! What's up?

193
00:09:41,993 --> 00:09:43,991
It's Phil.

194
00:09:43,992 --> 00:09:45,991
He's gone bonkers.
Bonkers?

195
00:09:45,992 --> 00:09:48,991
I've just been doing a bit of
cleaning for him.

196
00:09:48,992 --> 00:09:50,992
And first of all he tells me to keep
the windows closed

197
00:09:50,993 --> 00:09:52,993
in case a giraffe flies in.

198
00:09:54,992 --> 00:09:56,991
He's just joking! You know Phil!

199
00:09:56,992 --> 00:10:00,992
Then, I heard him upstairs
talking to Celia!

200
00:10:02,126 --> 00:10:04,991
His first wife?
I thought she was dead?

201
00:10:04,992 --> 00:10:06,991
She is.
What was he talking about?

202
00:10:06,992 --> 00:10:10,392
About how she's not allowed to
smoke where she is now.

203
00:10:10,393 --> 00:10:11,991
Have you been overdoing it?

204
00:10:11,992 --> 00:10:14,992
I knew you wouldn't believe me!
But it's true!

205
00:10:14,993 --> 00:10:16,991
And I'm worried for Edith!

206
00:10:16,992 --> 00:10:18,926
Queenie.

207
00:10:18,927 --> 00:10:20,991
Look, all right,
I'm back there tomorrow.

208
00:10:20,992 --> 00:10:22,926
Come with me, see for yourself.

209
00:10:22,927 --> 00:10:25,991
See what? Are you trying to put
a spanner in the works?

210
00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:27,991
What do you mean?
To stop them going away.

211
00:10:27,992 --> 00:10:29,392
Well, of course I am!

212
00:10:29,393 --> 00:10:33,992
We don't want Edith stuck in some
strange place with a lunatic, do we?

213
00:10:37,992 --> 00:10:39,991
So you didn't go for
the job interview?

214
00:10:39,992 --> 00:10:41,991
I did.

215
00:10:41,992 --> 00:10:46,392
Turns out you can't be a Santa
these days if you've got a criminal record.

216
00:10:46,393 --> 00:10:48,392
Well, that sounds very unreasonable.

217
00:10:48,393 --> 00:10:51,991
Santa's got to be saintly, you know,
without a blemish.

218
00:10:51,992 --> 00:10:53,991
Does he?
And I told them!

219
00:10:53,992 --> 00:10:57,926
I said, "I'm not claiming to be
the real thing."

220
00:10:57,927 --> 00:10:58,991
You know?

221
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:02,991
In fact the original Santa,
maybe he had a criminal record?

222
00:11:02,992 --> 00:11:04,926
But he still did good things.

223
00:11:04,927 --> 00:11:06,991
And that makes him even more
saintly.

224
00:11:06,992 --> 00:11:09,991
Does it?

225
00:11:09,992 --> 00:11:11,991
I've forgotten a lot of my theology.
Theology?

226
00:11:11,992 --> 00:11:13,991
Yeah,
when I was training for the church.

227
00:11:13,992 --> 00:11:16,991
You trained for the church?!
<span tts: color="white In my youth. Wow!

228
00:11:16,992 --> 00:11:18,991
Still a wee bit gullible there, Rog.

229
00:11:18,992 --> 00:11:21,991
Anyway, I've got an issue
with Santa.

230
00:11:21,992 --> 00:11:23,991
Oh, yeah? What's that?

231
00:11:23,992 --> 00:11:27,991
Yeah, well, some kiddies,
they don't get presents, right?

232
00:11:27,992 --> 00:11:29,991
If their family's poor.

233
00:11:29,992 --> 00:11:32,991
Think of the pressure that puts
on the parents, eh?

234
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:37,992
In fact, see this Santa?
This Santa is a great big fraud!

235
00:11:49,992 --> 00:11:51,991
Take a seat, Mr...?
Parton.

236
00:11:51,992 --> 00:11:53,991
Parton?
Parton.

237
00:11:53,992 --> 00:11:55,991
As in Dolly?

238
00:11:55,992 --> 00:11:58,793
What?
Of course not.

239
00:11:58,794 --> 00:11:59,992
Parton as in Parton.

240
00:11:59,993 --> 00:12:03,991
Luxury and indeed
first class mobile homes.

241
00:12:03,992 --> 00:12:06,259
Oh! Yes, that's right!

242
00:12:06,260 --> 00:12:08,991
What an honour it is to
meet you, Mr Parton,

243
00:12:08,992 --> 00:12:10,991
I've owned a couple of your
excellent vehicles.

244
00:12:10,992 --> 00:12:13,991
An early highly reliable
Veronica and the

245
00:12:13,992 --> 00:12:17,991
redoubtable 1987 Mark 4 Celia.

246
00:12:17,992 --> 00:12:20,991
Absolutely brilliant.

247
00:12:20,992 --> 00:12:21,992
Thank you! Thank you!

248
00:12:21,993 --> 00:12:26,991
The company started in 1962
remodelling army surplus vehicles.

249
00:12:26,992 --> 00:12:28,991
Yes, that's when my uncle
Charlie took it over.

250
00:12:28,992 --> 00:12:32,991
Then when he died in '73 you took
over the business.

251
00:12:32,992 --> 00:12:35,259
You seem to know an awful
lot about it.

252
00:12:35,260 --> 00:12:36,991
I do. I was on Mastermind.

253
00:12:36,992 --> 00:12:39,991
The history of the camper van
and motor home.

254
00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:43,991
Really? I never thought I'd have the
privilege of meeting the

255
00:12:43,992 --> 00:12:45,991
great Phillip "camper van" Parton.

256
00:12:45,992 --> 00:12:47,659
Thank you.

257
00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:49,793
Well, time marches on.

258
00:12:49,794 --> 00:12:52,991
So let's talk about
selling my house.

259
00:12:52,992 --> 00:12:54,125
Selling your house?

260
00:12:54,126 --> 00:12:55,392
Yes.

261
00:12:55,393 --> 00:12:56,991
Are you kidding?

262
00:12:56,992 --> 00:12:59,259
EVIL LAUGHTER

263
00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:02,392
Don't be ridiculous, Dolly!

264
00:13:02,393 --> 00:13:09,991
Tis the season to be Dolly,
tra-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

265
00:13:09,992 --> 00:13:13,927
The dolly and the ivy...

266
00:13:19,992 --> 00:13:22,991
Phil...

267
00:13:22,992 --> 00:13:23,992
Phil!

268
00:13:23,993 --> 00:13:26,794
Phil! Phil!

269
00:13:30,992 --> 00:13:31,992
You were having a nightmare.

270
00:13:31,993 --> 00:13:35,991
Yeah. Estate agent banging on and on
about camper vans.

271
00:13:35,992 --> 00:13:41,991
Phil, Phil, you've got to do
something to get your mind

272
00:13:41,992 --> 00:13:43,125
off the house.

273
00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:44,991
OK. All right.

274
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:45,992
Mm.

275
00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:48,659
OK.

276
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,991
Oh, I had a nice, erm,

277
00:13:50,992 --> 00:13:52,991
a nice chat with Celia.

278
00:13:52,992 --> 00:13:57,991
What? Yeah, she was at the house and
she's OK about selling the house

279
00:13:57,992 --> 00:14:01,991
and erm, about us and everything.

280
00:14:01,992 --> 00:14:05,392
So I felt much better after, yeah.
Oh, good.

281
00:14:05,393 --> 00:14:06,991
So there's nothing to worry about.

282
00:14:06,992 --> 00:14:07,992
Nothing to worry...

283
00:14:09,993 --> 00:14:11,659
Mm...

284
00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:12,991
Have you consulted Colin?

285
00:14:12,992 --> 00:14:14,991
Er... yes.

286
00:14:14,992 --> 00:14:16,991
Yes, I have.

287
00:14:16,992 --> 00:14:19,991
Ah! And he's delighted that
I'm moving on.

288
00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:22,991
Ha-ha, exactly what Celia said.

289
00:14:22,992 --> 00:14:24,992
Of course it is.

290
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,992
Now, try and get back to sleep.

291
00:14:37,992 --> 00:14:38,992
Why are we doing this?

292
00:14:38,993 --> 00:14:41,991
I want to put you in the picture.

293
00:14:41,992 --> 00:14:44,991
Are you sure he's not in here?

294
00:14:44,992 --> 00:14:46,991
No, he's gone to the shops.

295
00:14:46,992 --> 00:14:49,992
That's his inventory list there.

296
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,991
Oh, these are Celia's things.

297
00:14:53,992 --> 00:14:56,991
They are. I was on the landing and
Phil was in here.

298
00:14:56,992 --> 00:14:58,991
And clear as day I heard him
talking...

299
00:14:58,992 --> 00:15:00,991
Shhh!

300
00:15:00,992 --> 00:15:02,992
DOOR CLOSES

301
00:15:07,992 --> 00:15:09,991
Get in the wardrobe!

302
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,991
Uh, don't be ridiculous,
I'm not getting in any wardrobe.

303
00:15:11,992 --> 00:15:13,991
And I'm claustrophobic.
Queenie!

304
00:15:13,992 --> 00:15:15,992
Get in the wardrobe!

305
00:15:19,992 --> 00:15:20,992
I'm in your bedroom.

306
00:15:20,993 --> 00:15:22,991
Mm.

307
00:15:22,992 --> 00:15:25,991
I'm just emptying the bins.

308
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:28,793
Oh, I... I got the hoover bags
you wanted.

309
00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:29,991
They're on the kitchen table.

310
00:15:29,992 --> 00:15:33,526
Oh, lovely. I was just going to make
a start on the living room.

311
00:15:33,527 --> 00:15:38,125
So... If you come down in five
minutes I'll have made the tea.

312
00:15:38,126 --> 00:15:39,991
Excellent.

313
00:15:39,992 --> 00:15:40,992
Could you bring it up?

314
00:15:40,993 --> 00:15:42,991
No, I couldn't. What?

315
00:15:42,992 --> 00:15:45,259
Well, I might spill it.

316
00:15:45,260 --> 00:15:47,991
The old wrist's playing up today.

317
00:15:47,992 --> 00:15:51,991
Oh, well, you just give me a shout
and I'll fetch it up here myself.

318
00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:53,991
Oh, no, don't do that.

319
00:15:53,992 --> 00:15:56,991
Drink it downstairs.
Tea tastes better downstairs.

320
00:15:56,992 --> 00:15:58,991
Always.

321
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,992
It's a well-known scientific fact.

322
00:16:07,992 --> 00:16:09,992
Celia.

323
00:16:11,992 --> 00:16:14,992
Celia, Celia, Celia, what are we
going to do wi...

324
00:16:19,992 --> 00:16:21,992
Celia?

325
00:16:22,993 --> 00:16:24,991
Hello, Phil.

326
00:16:24,992 --> 00:16:25,992
Sandra.

327
00:16:25,993 --> 00:16:27,991
SHE GASPS

328
00:16:27,992 --> 00:16:30,392
Wendy.

329
00:16:30,393 --> 00:16:32,991
Oh, that was dreadful!
I thought I was a goner.

330
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,991
Yeah, Wendy suffers from
claustrophobia.

331
00:16:34,992 --> 00:16:35,992
I do. Quite badly.

332
00:16:35,993 --> 00:16:37,991
Well, what are you doing in the
wardrobe then?

333
00:16:37,992 --> 00:16:40,991
Surely that's the worst possible
place for you to be?

334
00:16:40,992 --> 00:16:41,992
We got lost.

335
00:16:42,992 --> 00:16:47,991
You mean you wandered off the beaten
track and finished up in...

336
00:16:47,992 --> 00:16:50,991
We've been looking for a cure
for some time.

337
00:16:50,992 --> 00:16:52,991
Mm. A cure?

338
00:16:52,992 --> 00:16:55,926
Yes, well, we thought that
if we could get Wendy into the

339
00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:57,991
right sort of confined space...
With a friend.

340
00:16:57,992 --> 00:17:00,793
With a friend. Erm,
someone she trusted,

341
00:17:00,794 --> 00:17:03,991
then the claustrophobia
might lose its...

342
00:17:03,992 --> 00:17:05,991
..threateningness.

343
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:06,992
Ah, really?

344
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:09,991
Just thought we might give it a try.
Apparently it often does the trick.

345
00:17:09,992 --> 00:17:12,992
But, erm, why my wardrobe?

346
00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:18,991
We have been looking for the right
kind of space for some time.

347
00:17:18,992 --> 00:17:20,991
Mm, and this is perfect.

348
00:17:20,992 --> 00:17:22,992
Yeah, it's a really nice wardrobe.

349
00:17:22,993 --> 00:17:26,991
So the aesthetics are important from
the point of view of the cure?

350
00:17:26,992 --> 00:17:27,992
Oh, yes. Critical.

351
00:17:27,993 --> 00:17:30,991
Yes, it was the size that did it.
The size is spot on.

352
00:17:30,992 --> 00:17:32,991
Spot on. Mm.

353
00:17:32,992 --> 00:17:36,991
And did it work?
I mean, I interrupted.

354
00:17:36,992 --> 00:17:39,991
Do you need to get back in there?

355
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:42,991
No! No, I... I think we've been
in there quite long enough.

356
00:17:42,992 --> 00:17:45,125
Have we, Wendy? Oh, definitely.
I'm feeling so much better.

357
00:17:45,126 --> 00:17:46,392
Completely cured.

358
00:17:46,393 --> 00:17:48,526
Oh, good!
We should have asked you first.

359
00:17:48,527 --> 00:17:49,991
But we just thought that you
wouldn't mind.

360
00:17:49,992 --> 00:17:50,992
And I was in a desperate hurry.

361
00:17:50,993 --> 00:17:53,992
Yes. Wendy was in a desperate hurry,
so...

362
00:17:55,794 --> 00:17:56,991
Because?

363
00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:59,793
She's taking a transatlantic flight.

364
00:17:59,794 --> 00:18:00,991
On Boxing Day.

365
00:18:00,992 --> 00:18:02,991
Steerage is very cramped,

366
00:18:02,992 --> 00:18:07,991
so sorting her claustrophobia was
high priority.

367
00:18:07,992 --> 00:18:09,992
Come on, girls.

368
00:18:16,992 --> 00:18:18,927
I'll make the tea.

369
00:18:23,927 --> 00:18:27,991
You know,
something odd happened today.

370
00:18:27,992 --> 00:18:30,991
I didn't tell you,
I didn't want to worry you.

371
00:18:30,992 --> 00:18:33,991
OK, so now I'm worried.

372
00:18:33,992 --> 00:18:35,991
Yeah, well, I discovered, erm...

373
00:18:35,992 --> 00:18:40,659
Wendy and Sandra in the wardrobe.

374
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:41,991
What?!

375
00:18:41,992 --> 00:18:43,991
In my house. In Celia's wardrobe.

376
00:18:43,992 --> 00:18:45,259
Phil.

377
00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:49,926
They said they were trying to cure
Wendy's claustrophobia.

378
00:18:49,927 --> 00:18:50,991
That's what they said.

379
00:18:50,992 --> 00:18:52,125
Phil.

380
00:18:52,126 --> 00:18:53,992
This is another one of your dreams.

381
00:18:54,992 --> 00:18:56,992
For all I know it's true.

382
00:18:57,993 --> 00:19:02,991
I wonder if it might be a good idea
for you to go and see someone.

383
00:19:02,992 --> 00:19:04,125
Someone else?!

384
00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:07,926
I'm seeing far too many people
at the moment and most of them

385
00:19:07,927 --> 00:19:11,527
in my house! Seeing fewer people,
that might do the trick.

386
00:19:14,660 --> 00:19:16,991
Queenie's worried about Phil.

387
00:19:16,992 --> 00:19:17,992
She thinks he's losing it.

388
00:19:17,993 --> 00:19:20,259
Why? Has something happened?

389
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,793
Have you noticed him behaving
strangely?

390
00:19:22,794 --> 00:19:23,991
Well, yes.

391
00:19:23,992 --> 00:19:25,991
There have been a few things.

392
00:19:25,992 --> 00:19:29,991
For example - last night he said
he found you and Wendy in his

393
00:19:29,992 --> 00:19:33,991
wardrobe trying to cure Wendy's
claustrophobia.

394
00:19:33,992 --> 00:19:35,991
Did he? Oh, dear.

395
00:19:35,992 --> 00:19:38,992
Yes, it's a bit worrying.
Mm.

396
00:19:44,992 --> 00:19:47,992
Oh... Oh...

397
00:19:50,992 --> 00:19:53,991
Those seats of yours aren't very
comfortable,

398
00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:55,926
are they, for such a swanky car?

399
00:19:55,927 --> 00:19:59,991
Well, they're specifically designed
like that to discourage

400
00:19:59,992 --> 00:20:01,991
people from asking for lifts.

401
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,991
Yoo-hoo!
Auntie Joan.

402
00:20:04,992 --> 00:20:08,991
I'm here!
Joan! Happy Christmas!

403
00:20:08,992 --> 00:20:11,125
Happy Christmas, Edith.

404
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:14,991
Have you put a bit of weight on?
Hello.

405
00:20:14,992 --> 00:20:15,992
Happy Christmas, Sandra.

406
00:20:15,993 --> 00:20:17,991
Happy Christmas, Auntie Joan.

407
00:20:17,992 --> 00:20:19,991
I see you've been at the
mince pies too.

408
00:20:19,992 --> 00:20:21,125
No change there then.

409
00:20:21,126 --> 00:20:22,991
Ooh...

410
00:20:22,992 --> 00:20:23,992
Just a few little things.

411
00:20:23,993 --> 00:20:26,125
Oh, how lovely. You shouldn't have.

412
00:20:26,126 --> 00:20:28,991
Well, they're mostly recycled
from last year.

413
00:20:28,992 --> 00:20:30,991
You'll recognise the bath salts.

414
00:20:30,992 --> 00:20:33,125
I make no bones about it,
it's the thought that counts.

415
00:20:33,126 --> 00:20:34,991
Evidently.

416
00:20:34,992 --> 00:20:38,392
And she complained the moment
I picked her up.

417
00:20:38,393 --> 00:20:39,991
She lives alone - I suppose.

418
00:20:39,992 --> 00:20:43,125
Yes, and a totally sterile
environment, you know.

419
00:20:43,126 --> 00:20:46,991
All life forms have fled years ago.

420
00:20:46,992 --> 00:20:49,991
Are we eating before the
Queen's speech?

421
00:20:49,992 --> 00:20:54,659
Like we did last year when we had to
rush and I got terrible indigestion.

422
00:20:54,660 --> 00:20:56,991
Or after?
After.

423
00:20:56,992 --> 00:21:01,991
Oh, good! Well, I've brought my
charcoal tablets just in case.

424
00:21:01,992 --> 00:21:04,793
Right,
well, is there anything I can do?

425
00:21:04,794 --> 00:21:07,991
Why don't you, erm, take those into
the living room,

426
00:21:07,992 --> 00:21:09,991
pop them under the tree with
the rest of them.

427
00:21:09,992 --> 00:21:10,992
Someone'll give you a drink.

428
00:21:10,993 --> 00:21:13,991
Roger and Jack Dugdale are in there.

429
00:21:13,992 --> 00:21:16,991
Jack? Dr Dugdale?

430
00:21:16,992 --> 00:21:18,991
Standing by with the stomach pump.

431
00:21:18,992 --> 00:21:22,991
Well,
if you're sure I can't do anything.

432
00:21:22,992 --> 00:21:24,991
No, everything's under control.

433
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,991
You go through and relax.

434
00:21:26,992 --> 00:21:29,527
I'm no good in other people's
kitchens.

435
00:21:31,260 --> 00:21:32,991
Argh!

436
00:21:32,992 --> 00:21:33,992
Argh!

437
00:21:35,992 --> 00:21:37,926
Ah, Joan!

438
00:21:37,927 --> 00:21:39,125
I've come to bag the best seat.

439
00:21:39,126 --> 00:21:40,991
Ah, good.
Can I get you a drink?

440
00:21:40,992 --> 00:21:43,392
I'm afraid we don't have any
Novichok.

441
00:21:43,393 --> 00:21:45,991
Erm, well, Amontillado as long
as it's chilled.

442
00:21:45,992 --> 00:21:48,259
Chilled, yes.
This is Jack, my very good friend.

443
00:21:48,260 --> 00:21:50,991
Hello. How do you do?
You must be Dr Dugdale.

444
00:21:50,992 --> 00:21:51,992
Yes, indeed.

445
00:21:51,993 --> 00:21:54,991
Pleased to meet you, Doctor.

446
00:21:54,992 --> 00:21:57,991
Do you know, I get these
terrible cramps in my legs

447
00:21:57,992 --> 00:21:59,991
when I'm in bed at night.

448
00:21:59,992 --> 00:22:01,660
I've tried everyth...

449
00:22:02,992 --> 00:22:05,991
Well, that tree, it's...

450
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:09,991
It's far too big!
It's bent right over!

451
00:22:09,992 --> 00:22:12,991
Yes, well, it's certainly
grown a bit since it got here.

452
00:22:12,992 --> 00:22:14,991
Whatever was Edith thinking?

453
00:22:14,992 --> 00:22:18,991
I can't watch the Queen's speech
with a penguin dangling in

454
00:22:18,992 --> 00:22:22,125
front of her!
It's disrespectful.

455
00:22:22,126 --> 00:22:25,991
No, it isn't, it's the best
Christmas tree ever and I'm

456
00:22:25,992 --> 00:22:28,259
going to pop this on the top and
then straighten it up a bit.

457
00:22:28,260 --> 00:22:29,991
Let me see that.

458
00:22:29,992 --> 00:22:31,991
Here!

459
00:22:31,992 --> 00:22:33,991
That's mine!

460
00:22:33,992 --> 00:22:35,992
That's my fairy!

461
00:22:35,993 --> 00:22:38,991
That's Cristabelle.

462
00:22:38,992 --> 00:22:42,659
My granny gave me that when
I had mumps. It's not Edith's.

463
00:22:42,660 --> 00:22:44,991
It has no place being here.

464
00:22:44,992 --> 00:22:48,991
And it's certainly not going on that
tree! It's a valuable antique!

465
00:22:48,992 --> 00:22:50,991
Just give it to me!

466
00:22:50,992 --> 00:22:52,991
Ahhhh! You give it me!

467
00:22:52,992 --> 00:22:55,992
Priceless!

468
00:22:58,993 --> 00:23:00,992
Oh! Oh!

469
00:23:01,992 --> 00:23:03,991
Bloody hell!

470
00:23:03,992 --> 00:23:07,991
Right, well, if the telly's broken,
that's it! I'm going.

471
00:23:07,992 --> 00:23:10,392
Yeah, yeah, look at that.
It's totally bust.

472
00:23:10,393 --> 00:23:12,926
Ah... 
Ah, what a shame! Never mind.

473
00:23:12,927 --> 00:23:13,991
I'll, er, I'll get my keys.

474
00:23:13,992 --> 00:23:15,991
I could run Joan back if you like?

475
00:23:15,992 --> 00:23:17,991
Well,
that's very kind of you, Dr Dugdale.

476
00:23:17,992 --> 00:23:20,991
I'm sorry, but I'm not missing the
Queen's speech for anything.

477
00:23:20,992 --> 00:23:21,992
Certainly not!

478
00:23:21,993 --> 00:23:23,991
What's going on?

479
00:23:23,992 --> 00:23:26,991
Oh, erm, Roger's Christmas tree
attacked the television set

480
00:23:26,992 --> 00:23:28,991
and that's caput.

481
00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:31,991
And dear old Jack's just going to
drive your sister back home

482
00:23:31,992 --> 00:23:34,991
so she can watch the Queen's speech
on her television.

483
00:23:34,992 --> 00:23:36,991
No.
Nobody's driving Joan anywhere.

484
00:23:36,992 --> 00:23:40,926
We can bring the small television
down from the bedroom.

485
00:23:40,927 --> 00:23:44,927
Oh! Why didn't I think of that?!
What a good idea!

486
00:23:45,992 --> 00:23:49,259
Ho, ho, ho. Thank you.

487
00:23:49,260 --> 00:23:52,992
MUSIC: Good King Wenceslas

488
00:24:13,992 --> 00:24:16,392
Queenie, you're still in the
Salvation Army!

489
00:24:16,393 --> 00:24:18,259
Guest appearance by public demand.

490
00:24:18,260 --> 00:24:20,793
Hello, everyone. Happy Christmas!

491
00:24:20,794 --> 00:24:23,991
Aye, merry Christmas. Ding, dong
merrily on high and all that, eh?

492
00:24:23,992 --> 00:24:27,125
Phil, give them something.
OK, yeah.

493
00:24:27,126 --> 00:24:29,991
Good will to all men, Phil.
Watch out for the moths.

494
00:24:29,992 --> 00:24:32,526
There we go!
A worthy cause I suppose.

495
00:24:32,527 --> 00:24:35,991
Anyone for a mince pie?
Ooh, yes, please! That'd be lovely.

496
00:24:35,992 --> 00:24:38,992
MUSIC: Gloria in Excelsis Deo

497
00:24:39,992 --> 00:24:43,992
GENERAL CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

498
00:24:50,992 --> 00:24:53,991
Yoo-hoo!

499
00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:56,991
The Queen's speech is going to be on
in five minutes for anyone

500
00:24:56,992 --> 00:24:57,992
who's interested.

501
00:24:57,993 --> 00:25:01,991
The tiny screen will make you squint
but I don't suppose she'll notice.

502
00:25:01,992 --> 00:25:03,991
I never miss the Queen's speech.

503
00:25:03,992 --> 00:25:07,393
MUSIC: In The Bleak Midwinter

504
00:25:08,992 --> 00:25:11,991
Happy Christmas, darling.

505
00:25:11,992 --> 00:25:13,992
Happy Christmas, Phil.

506
00:25:30,992 --> 00:25:33,992
Happy Christmas to you too, Celia.

507
00:25:41,992 --> 00:25:44,991
 Have I the right to hold you?

508
00:25:44,992 --> 00:25:47,991
 You know I've always told you

509
00:25:47,992 --> 00:25:52,992
 I've loved you from the very start

510
00:25:53,991 --> 00:25:56,391
 Come right back

511
00:25:56,393 --> 00:25:57,991
 I just can't bear it

512
00:25:57,992 --> 00:26:01,991
 I've got this love
and I long to share it

513
00:26:01,992 --> 00:26:03,991
 Come right back

514
00:26:03,992 --> 00:26:06,526
 Right back where you belong

515
00:26:06,527 --> 00:26:08,992
 Oh, yeah, you belong.

516
00:26:09,042 --> 00:26:13,592
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